Title: My Very Own
Characters: Rui, Tom Gray
| Event Story | Episode 1 ・ Episode 2 ・ Episode 3 ・ Episode 4 ・ Episode 5 ・ Episode 6 ・ Episode 7 ・ Episode 8 |
My Very Own
Several days later
Arcland, Empty Room
*Setup noises*
Rui
My headset and PC are… Mm, looks like there's no issue.
I guess all that's left is to wait until it's time.
(I went to the workshop's organisers to discuss if it was possible for me to seek advice from an instructor even if my draft and script are still incomplete…)
(I did it on the assumption that there was no harm trying, but I didn't expect them to work it out this quickly.)
(Plus, to think that…)
Rui
-Looks like it's time.
*Keyboard noises*
Rui
"Thank you so much for your time today."
Tom
"It's no problem. In fact, I was happy that you proposed this consultation."
Rui
"…To be honest with you, I was surprised to hear that you volunteered to be my advisor."
Tom
"I want to communicate with all of you as much as I can to make up for not being there physically."
"Plus… I remember the show you put on for your self-introduction. It left an impression on me."
"I've also read the drafts of your show and script that you sent over."
"You wish to bring smiles and joy to many people. At the same time-"
"You're struggling desperately to overcome something. They convey both of these feelings."
Rui
"…Yes. By participating in the workshop, I was able to identify clearly what my issue is."
"I wish to find a hint to help me overcome that issue in this consultation with you today."
"This might be a rather long story, but-"
Tom
"…I see. So what you want is to create shows with more depth."
Rui
"Yes. Several days ago, I observed the dress rehearsal for Goodbye, Ghost."
"I understand that comparing myself with you is laughable in itself."
"But I genuinely felt that in my current state, I am unable make shows that touch the hearts of people to the extent yours do."
Tom
"……"
Rui
"I've analysed directing methods and script composition on my own ever since, and also scrutinised what I could adopt from those."
"However, all I could create in the end were twisted amalgamations made from bits and pieces of the works I referenced."
"I believe…there's a flaw of sorts in the direction I've taken to approach this."
Tom
"And that's when you thought of seeking an instructor to get an objective opinion, right?"
Rui
"Yes. I apologise for the vague question, but…"
"Could you please let me know your honest thoughts if you've noticed anything on your end?"
Tom
"…Okay. I don't believe that your draft, script, or staging are bad."
"As I mentioned earlier, your desire to bring joy to your audience came across fine. You also have the technique and passion needed to make that a reality."
"If you feel that something is lacking, or that there's no depth despite all that-"
"Then I believe that what you need are your own feelings and experiences."
Rui
"My own…you say?"
Tom
"Yes. What kind of thoughts do you have whenever you're staging something?"
Rui
"……"
"-Once in the past, I watched a recording of you getting interviewed."
"Whether you're rich or poor, smart or foolish, hail from a majority or a minority group, none of that matters."
"Every person laughs, cries, and gets angry in unison,"
"Thus connecting them by the same emotions at the end of the show."
Rui
"I've always strived to create shows like that."
Tom
"I see."
Rui
"When creating a show, the first thing I think of is what I want the audience to feel after they finish watching it."
"On top of that, the kind of staging would resonate best with the audience…"
"I often consider its subject based on the show's venue, the audience's demographic, and other factors."
Tom
"I see. So you think of receiving party first and foremost."
"That in itself is a truly wonderful sentiment…"
"However, aren't you subconsciously suppressing yourself in the process of doing so?"
Rui
"Huh…?"
(Suppressing…myself?)
"If anything, I personally feel that I'm the self-centred type."
"I can't make concessions and often clash with those around me because of the way I direct, too."
"Before I met the troupe I belong to now, I would put on shows all by myself, always."
Tom
"The reason you don't yield is because you want to create better shows, correct?"
"And a good show to you is one that can bring smiles to many spectators."
"In other words, you refrain from inserting more of your feelings than necessary when staging a show."
"Because that way, you can bring forth shows that anyone can empathise with."
Rui
"……"
Tom
"This doesn't mean that doing so is bad, of course. In fact, that might be the ideal attitude for a director to take."
"However… At times, there are shows that require intense feelings to be put into them."
"And I feel that when that time comes, the one who has to insert that intensity to the show is none other than the director themself-"
"-with the feelings and experiences within you that are neither imaginary nor borrowed from others."
"Of course, overdoing it would just turn the show into your own autobiography, so some caution is required-"
Tom
"But those intense feelings and experiences that are so vivid even you yourself would hesitate to approach… I believe that those are the ones that endow a creation with depth."
Rui
(…Vividly strong feelings and experiences, huh?)
Young Rui
…Hey, mom? I think…I'm different from everyone else.
Even when I try to talk to them, all the stuff that I think are fun…don't get across to them at all…
The teachers and the kids in my class all say that I'm different from the rest, too.
Rui
There were a few people, at least, who looked at my ideas and thought that they would be fun if they were pulled off successfully.
But even those people gradually disappeared with the wind as I showed them more of my new ideas.
This happened over and over again… And before I knew it, I was all alone.
Rui
(But there's one thing I understood from this.)
(Right now, I want to continue putting on shows with the rest more than I'd expected.)
Rui
(…If we're talking about those kinds of feelings, then I have them too.)
(The loneliness I felt as a kid, the powerlessness I feel because I can't get along with those around me,)
(the happiness I felt from chancing upon shows and my teammates… And the inner conflict arising from my reluctance to part with those teammates. I have those kinds of feelings… Loads of them.)
(But-)
Tom
"Is there anything you're unable to grasp?"
Rui
"No… I understand what you said. However-"
"Please, allow me to ask you one question."
"Do you think that your shows…contain your personal feelings and experiences, too?"
Tom
"…Well, I believe there are times where they seep through."
"I do have a feeling that the people in my life whom I've seen off for the last time - my parents, my friends… They're probably lurking among the ghosts in Goodbye, Ghost."
"All of their stories might be a little too heavy for me to talk about with others-"
"But the days I spent with them, along with what I've gained from them… They all continue to live on stage even today."
"Even though it's fiction, it's not a lie. I suspect that's why it is able to leave something in the hearts of those who watch it."
Rui
"I…see…"
"…I have indeed reflected my personal experience and emotions in my shows even before this."
"But based on what you just told me… I realised I might have been subconsciously holding myself back all along,"
"Because I believed that shows containing my raw emotions could never be accepted by my audience."
"That's why I couldn't encroach on them."
Rui
"However…"
(…Creations with depth can only be created with what I extract from within. If so…)
"I'll try to free myself more and create a show that can bring joy to many people on top of that…"
"It's an uphill task, but I feel that it's worthwhile taking this challenge on."
Tom
"Yes. …I'm looking forward to the show you create for us."
*Call ends*
Rui
(…Thanks to him, I now know what I have to do, and what I should depict in my show.)
(These feelings might be too unpleasant to be packaged into a show-)
(But I'll give it a try. …So that I can surpass my limits.)